60: (April 2020)
Easter Day, day of resurrection, came and went. Came and went while all of us – all of us – continue to be in the middle of the COVID-19 coronavirus; every person that I share this planet with is either already being directly affected by it, or will be before long. Will new life – resurrection – come out of this crisis? How will we use this incredibly unique opportunity to individually and collectively change the trajectory of our lives? How can we use it to enrich the daily quality of each day, each moment?
Right now, in the midst of it, we are all given the extraordinary opportunity to practice being present in each moment, rather than permitting our moments to be defined by fear or anxiety. Each moment holds the possibility of resurrection, of rising rather than sinking, of reaching for light rather than capitulating to darkness. Each moment holds the possibility of dwelling in gratitude rather than despair — gratitude for life itself and the ability to face whatever is before us.
This is an extraordinary time, full of extremely hard challenges as so many people lose jobs or fall ill. It is happening on such a massive scale that it seems apparent that all the pieces of our old way of life, as a society, will not be able to be glued back together exactly the same way again.
Something else will emerge in its stead. A new health system? A different way of working? Different types of jobs? Alternate ways of schooling children? More intentional time spent with family? More attention to the environment which sustains us? Less busy-ness? Less consumerism? Less time spent in the car?
What will be our collective resurrection? There is so much opportunity for a new planetary life that is better – more equitable, more compassionate. Easter has come and gone, reminding us once again that nothing is impossible.
40: (April 2000)
I met her on our first day of college. She wound up being my roommate for three years and my closest confidante. During the ensuing 23 years, our friendship has hit some rocky places. I do not think anyone in my life has been capable of infuriating me as much as this person.
Last year we hit another boulder. It was a big one. I found myself feeling like the road had come to a definite end and told myself it simply was not worth maintaining the friendship. I emotionally dismissed her from my mind. Since she lives across the country, we risked no unexpected encounters.
Then a mutual friend’s spouse sent both of us plane tickets to go to Chicago for a weekend to celebrate his wife’s 40th birthday. I wanted to go. I really wanted to go. But I did not want to see the “discarded” friend. I decided to accept the invitation, hoping that she would decline it. She must have had the same idea, because she accepted it as well.
At first it was awkward. We had not spoken in a year. Yet somehow, it began to feel easy. The feelings of shared times over all those years, most of them good, bubbled to the surface, and the carefully constructed walls tumbled down.
Forgiveness is a tricky thing: the offended needs to forgive for her own sake as much as the offender needs to be forgiven. In this instance, I thought that by dismissing this friend from my mind, I was simply cauterizing the hurt feelings. I rationalized that since she had offered no apology, forgiveness was irrelevant, and I put it out of my mind. When I saw her in Chicago, I realized how much ill will I had held onto. It was the apology, or lack thereof, that was irrelevant. When I made the conscious decision to forgive the past, it almost felt like a physical blockage had been lifted from my heart. Whenever I hold onto anger and condemnation, I eventually discover that I am hurting myself by allowing the wounds to fester beneath the surface. Healing is possible only through forgiveness, the ultimate release of anger.
We talk regularly now on the telephone. By virtue of who we are, I am sure she will infuriate me again, just as surely as I will infuriate her. Only next time, I will not entertain the idea of dismissal. She knows me, I know her. We have learned to appreciate each other’s value. We are certainly aware of each other’s faults, and after all these years, I think we have finally learned to forgive them.
60-40:
It’s a good time to reflect on what we want to get rid of in our lives. Forgiving old wounds. Making peace with fences that need mending and memories that need healing. Shedding long-held crutches or excuses for not doing things we aim to do, not becoming who we want to be.
Now is the time. Now, like none other. This time we are living in is grinding life as we knew it to a halt.
How do we want to emerge? What will the phoenix look like?
60-40 