Life Lessons

60 (June 2023):

I’ve been pondering about what I have learned in 6.5 decades of life that I consider to be most important. I’ve been through grade school, high school, college, and graduate school, and had lots of jobs in different settings. I’ve been a mother, sister, daughter, wife, and friend. So where and when have I learned about the things that truly matter?

What jumps out at me is that I have learned about the things I consider to be most valuable in church. I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but I learned the things I consider to be most important within that tradition for the first half of my life, and then within the Unitarian Universalist Church for the latter half.

I learned about striving toward compassion for all people, striving to be generous, kind—and most challenging for me—forgiving. These are the things that I think really matter in life. For all its flaws, church is generally the place where a concerted effort is made to focus on these matters, to wrestle with them, and to water their seeds for growth.

I’ve done a lot of book learning in my life, but geez, artificial intelligence knows more in an instant than I do in my entire lifetime. But learning how to deeply love another human being—that’s something! Learning how to love unconditionally, without expectations of getting something in ‘return’ is a hard lesson to master, to say the least. That’s a worthy lifelong quest. Religions may offer the best road maps for these pursuits, paving a way for individuals to then take up the challenge each in their own way.

There are a lot of interesting subjects to study over the course of a lifetime. For me, psychology, music, and environmental and societal issues are high priorities, although the bigger, deeper questions eclipse them. Perhaps they enfold them. How can love and compassion serve as the foundation for caring for the earth and the people and animals who inhabit it? This is a quest which has no ‘answer,’ no end-goal, because it is expansive. One can always strive for greater understanding and fulfillment of the things that really matter. The learning never ends.

40 (June 2003):

I have been on a binge of spiritual and inspirational reading this past year and thought I would pass along some passages that I have found to be especially nourishing:

“True happiness comes not when we get rid of all of our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience, and to learn.” – Richard Carlson, Ph. D.

“Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.” – Mother Teresa

“Our personal attempts to live humanely in this world are never wasted. Choosing to cultivate love rather than anger just might be what it takes to save the planet from extinction.” – Pema Chodron

“Let us continue to be involved in a process of personal transformation in which we are only concerned about giving, and not about getting.” – Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

“If you are impeccable with your word, if you don’t take anything personally, if you don’t make assumptions, if you always do your best, then you are going to have a beautiful life.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

“Hope is a series of small actions that transform darkness into light. It is putting one foot in front of the other when we can find no reason to do so at all.” – Joan D. Chittester

“It is just as important to be thankful for the bad things that happen to us as for the good things . . . because there is so much in life we cannot control, we must learn to look at things that test us not as obstacles, but as opportunities for growth.” – Johann Christoph Arnold

“Genuine compassion must be unconditional.” – The Dalai Lama

“Love is not the admiration of perfection, but the acceptance of an imperfect person with all his imperfections, because loving and accepting him makes us better and stronger.” – Harold S. Kushner

“Perhaps the surest way to find happiness and joy for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone else happy.” – Wayne W. Dyer

“Real forgiveness understands the offender with love and compassion, not excusing the offense, but understanding the pain, the woundedness, from which almost every offense proceeds.” – John Garvey

“Peace . . . can only be understood and realized within your heart. It lies beneath all the turmoil and noise and clamor of the world, beneath feeling, beneath thought.” – White Eagle

And finally, a local acupuncturist said to me about 18 months ago, “Trust in the journey.” He is not the first person to ever speak those words, yet they resonated with me a great deal that day, and I think they are worth repeating. I have discovered that if I work hard at seeking a silver lining in every situation, I sometimes find that it is lined with pure gold—and that makes the journey worthwhile.

60-40:

There is a lot of collective wisdom available in the world, free for contemplation. It takes a little effort, or a bit of a time commitment in order to take it into our minds or hearts, but it’s worth the effort.

I’m grateful for the spiritual seekers and writers who help make sense of dark times. I’m grateful for people who minister to the wounded and questioning parts deep within us. I hope I have a few more decades of life left to continue to learn the lessons I value the most.