Generosity

When I turned 40, I decided to write reflections on the day-to-day things that add up to a life; these were published in a monthly newspaper column for the Monadnock Ledger-Transcript for a decade. In 2018, as I approached my 60th birthday, I decided to take up my pen once again and thought it would be fun to juxtapose new reflections with the ones I wrote 20 years ago. Thanks for coming on the journey!

60: (January 2024)

It can be easy to slide into a funk with the cold and dark winter days and nights upon us. But as always, friends bring warmth and light into everyday life more than they may realize.

My husband and I were invited to dinner at our friends’ home last week. Welcoming friends into one’s home and sharing a meal together is something that has been done around the world for centuries, yet it never gets old! It is an honor to be welcomed into someone else’s home, and especially to be the recipient of a home-cooked meal. This seemingly simple act of hospitality is a gift I truly treasure.

When we arrived at our friends’ house, we were invited to sit in front of a glowing fire while sipping on drinks and eating tasty hors d’oeuvres. The dinner table was beautifully set, candlelight danced around the room from various locations, and a heavenly Italian meal that the wife had taken pains to prepare was enjoyed by all. Then we returned to the fire for dessert and more conversation, with a curated music set playing in the background. This couple has hosting down to a science!

The evening was delightful, and I’m sure we stayed too long, but it’s always so comfortable—and comforting—to be there. Hospitality is an act of generosity that I appreciate now more than ever in today’s fast-paced world. It is a kindness, nourishing the body and spirit, strengthening the bonds of friendship and community.

This gift reminded me to make sure to slow down long enough to spend time with the people I care about. There is a reason that sharing a meal together with relaxed conversation and laughter has probably been the number one activity that people have engaged in for hundreds, maybe thousands, of years: the world always seems a little brighter as a result.

40: (January 2004)

I spent last weekend lying on one of those beaches I have often seen in advertisements: white sand, turquoise water, palm trees, and brilliant sunshine. I kept thinking about how it was literally one hundred degrees colder at home and rejoiced that I wasn’t there! My sister was on the lounge chair next to mine. She treated me to the entire holiday for my birthday, including a variety of spa services that were on site at the hotel in which we were staying. I had my first facial and pedicure, a massage, and a manicure. It was quite a gift.

It would have been a spectacular gift at any time of life, but it had a particularly restorative effect now, because I continue to go through a challenging period of prolonged divorce proceedings. My sister knew a total change of scenery would be especially welcome.

How can I ever thank her for such a gesture? The weekend itself was pure delight. But the gesture, the gift, meant more to me than the finite period of time in the Caribbean. It was symbolic of the deep cord, the tie that is family. If one is fortunate, that tie lasts a lifetime. Not all families stick together. Not all families support each other through hard times. I am profoundly grateful that mine does. It does not mean we have never had our own bumps in the road, but it does mean that we know we will stay the course—we will be there for each other.

I took home a lot of coral that had washed up on the beach. Pounded by the ocean, bleached in the sun, weathered. And beautiful. Like life, all our experiences, all the highs and lows, contribute to the ultimate voyage, the journey that is ever being navigated.

I am thankful that my sister is part of my journey. When my ship hits turbulence, I have just to pick up a piece of that coral, displayed on a tray on my dining room table, to transport me back to sparkling waters in a blue-green sea and sisterly love to quell the tide.

60-40:

Generosity has so many forms; a generous heart gives in myriad ways. The root of these gifts is care for others, however that manifests itself. Most of us are not fantastic cooks and cannot afford to treat friends or family to trips, but generosity can take the form of a quick text or a phone call to let someone know you’re thinking of them, or supporting them through a tough time, or celebrating with them in spirit through life’s joys. There are countless ways to show people that you care.

I am so grateful for the generous people in my life. The world can indeed seem dark when viewing the global scene and all of its strife, but when I look around in my immediate world, it shines with an abundance of light.