Reunions

60: (June 2020)

I attended my 40^th college reunion on Zoom a few days ago. It started with a photo collage of classmates flashed across the screen as a Bruce Springsteen song set the mood. After greetings from our class officers, a Catholic mass was said by one of our classmates who has become a Catholic priest, Fr. Joe Uhen. He said mass from his parish in Piura, Peru, yet the ritual felt intimate, as if he were standing before me in my living room.

It was not a typical class reunion, of course, but it was meaningful nonetheless. There were apparently 251 of us who chose to participate in the online event. We couldn’t see each other, but the ties that have held many of us together for the past 40 years were still fastened, a woven cord of deeply held values. Three of our classmates spoke after the religious service during the virtual reunion, weaving the cord ever tighter.

Mary Meg McCarthy, Executive Director of Heartland Alliance National Immigrant Justice Center, spoke first, with great passion. In reflecting on the state of events in the world today, Mary Meg asserted that “It is possible to create a more just and equitable world. . . . This is an opportunity to respond and make the world a better place.” Despite COVID-19 and all the racial and immigration issues, Mary Meg believes we can “come back to a better world.” And she isn’t saying that lightly; she’s working hard to create that change every day.

Jenny Durkan, Mayor of Seattle, was the second classmate to speak. She’s also working diligently for change, equity, and justice. After sharing her reflections, she charged us to, “Do something tomorrow that shows kindness to someone.” Such a simple imperative, but so powerful coming from someone who is dealing with so much societal tumult: Remember who you are — be kind. Vagas Ferguson, a first round pro draft choice, former All-American, educator, and president of the NAACP in his Indiana hometown, finished up the evening’s speeches with gracious remarks about the value of friendships and education.

Friendship. Justice. Kindness. At the heart of it all is a sense of hope. A belief that we can create a better tomorrow – together.

40: (June 2000)

I feel confused and emotional. I just returned from my 20^th college reunion. It was a wonderful weekend, yet rather disquieting as well.

Seeing a handful of close friends was certainly the highlight of the weekend. Being back on the campus I loved was another highlight, with its gracious brick buildings, open spaces, and lakes and beautifully landscaped gardens.

Reuniting with many other alumni from my class was also enjoyable. It was fun to see who had changed and who had stayed relatively the same, where people had moved to, and what they had done, what their lives were like in the 20 years that had transpired since our graduation.

The mixed up emotions I feel upon returning from the weekend have taken me by surprise. I feel like I miss school again, much as I did when I first graduated! Being there stirred up those old emotions. There is a nostalgic longing to be young again. I usually do not feel old, but several of my friends raised the subject of “getting old” and not having as much time ahead of us to pursue dreams, and now these thoughts have crept into my mind. Mortality issues are hovering about, and they are both scary and uncomfortable.

Religious issues were also stirred up with a fire over the weekend. The university and most of my classmates are very Catholic, as I was until fairly recently, when my spiritual path took me in a different direction. One of my closest friends has become a Catholic priest, and we got into some very difficult and painful conversations about religion. I am sure it will take me a long time to sort through all the thoughts and intense emotions that arose.

Perhaps the most unsettling feeling about the weekend is the feeling of wanting to live more lives than one. I want to be able to be young and old at the same time. I want to be able to be a part of so many of my friends’ lives, but we live all over the world. I wish we did not have to wait 5, 10, or 15 years until many of us will see each other again. And then there is the fear that some of us may never meet again.

So my head spins with all these thoughts and feelings. Maybe I will have figured it all out in time to go to the 25^th.

60-40:

It seems funny that I felt like I was getting old a full 20 years ago, but in retrospect, that time period was more or less the cusp between being young and getting older. Being 20 years older has indeed meant that many of my classmates are no longer on this earth. Being 20 years older has meant that most of us have experienced various heartaches, along with countless joys. Through it all, there have been those invisible threads holding so many of us together.

We are united by a shared dream of what the world can be. Of what might be possible if we all work toward kindness, justice, and equity, always remembering our friends along the way.

Given that we couldn’t celebrate our 40th reunion in person, I’m glad we commemorated it online. It’s important to acknowledge — and honor — the things in life that feed the soul.