Happiness

60: (May 2021)

How can I write of anything other than happiness this month? I got to spend several glorious weeks with both of my daughters — and was also able to see my mother and siblings and their families. What joy!

Last Christmas, I made the heartbreaking decision to ask my daughters to cancel their flights home for the holiday. One daughter lives in Mexico, the other in Germany, and it just wasn’t prudent to fly during the height of the pandemic. The silver lining of this disappointment — and the months that followed when feelings of separation were acute — was that reuniting this spring was all the sweeter. The fact that they were getting vaccinated also necessitated a longer visit for them, so we all got the gift of extended time together as a result.

We made a quick weekend trip down to New York and Connecticut to visit with the rest of the family, which was a heartwarming reunion. But other than that, we basically did nothing. Because we are so fortunate to live among trees in a home surrounded by gardens, “doing nothing” was perfect. The time at home was filled with down time: time to relax, chat, cook and bake, make music, and go for long walks. Time to hug. And laugh. We had lots of time to simply be together.

My younger daughter began to crochet a blanket from assorted balls of wool, large and small, saved over years and years for just the right thing, for just the right time. This was it. She crocheted stacks of colorful squares, which I then sewed together. My older daughter has promised to weave in all the loose ends, so eventually we will all be “woven” into the blanket. It’s off to a good start, although it’s far from done; they left before it could be completed. But we will have lots of times ahead of us. More colorful squares will be made and sewn together, and more memories created as we sit and talk. We anticipate that the blanket will be quite oversized in years to come!

The memories we’ve made this time around have nurtured my heart right down to its very center. They will hold me until the next visit, when the blanket and the memories attached to it will grow. Needless to say, the blanket is already a family heirloom.

40: (May 2001)

I have just about finished my first year of home-schooling my fifth-grade daughter, and it has been great. A few years ago, I had never even heard of home-schooling. In the world I grew up in, children went to school. Children had to go to school, didn’t they?

Yet it is increasingly surprising to me, as I continue to grow up, to realize that many things that I thought were fixtures are not fixed at all. If one remains open to new ideas, thoughts, or ways of doing things, the possibilities in life are endless! Things that once seemed strange can become sources of pleasure and fulfillment.

When my husband first suggested home-schooling our older daughter, I thought I could never do it, predominantly because I thought my lack of patience would make me a bad teacher. To my genuine surprise (and relief), I have discovered that home-schooling generally brings out the best in me. I tune out the everyday struggles and distractions and tune into what is before me. It is my daughter and I, journeying through time to explore the historical roots of our country, delving into the wonders of the vernal pool outside our front door, or creating music, art, and stories. Although I know my daughter has learned a lot this year, I think I have learned more in the past nine months than in all of my elementary school years combined!

One of the greatest benefits of spending this time together has been the opportunity to discuss real world topics that naturally arise from various subjects. I’m glad I am the one there to help her grapple with these difficult ethical and philosophical issues. The good talks and the time to get to know each other in a different way have enhanced and strengthened our relationship. Who would have guessed? We viewed this year as something of an experiment, and by all counts it has been a big success.

It has been a busy year, and I end each day feeling like there is always a list of things to do around the house that I did not accomplish. But I would undoubtedly have that list even if I was not home-schooling, for then I would probably have a different job or take on more volunteer work. So here we are, completing a year of school that a few years ago I would have never imagined. It has been well worth it. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

60-40:

New vistas. New ideas. As I grow into the later phases of life, I must remember not to hold too fast to old ways of doing things, not to cling to fixed ideas. Memories are wonderful, but being stuck in the past is not. The best memories help us grow, helping us to remain vibrant and open to change.

At the same time, sweet memories can fill us so completely that they help soften one’s heart. A supple heart is more capable of exercising compassion and forgiveness, and of giving itself more readily. Happiness is a soothing balm indeed.