Finding Balance

60: (October 2021)

With everything going on in the world, I find myself increasingly drawn to the morning glories curling around the arbors in my backyard. The purity of the color blue transports me to a state of delight! My emotions are deeply affected by color, and the color of that flower makes me swoon.

I am being mindful of how much time I spend reading or listening to the news, which seems to be by definition bad, stressful, or downright depressing. The morning glories provide some balance, to be savored all the more because here it is at the end of October and they haven’t been killed off by a frost yet. Never mind that global warming is probably responsible for the prolonged period of warmer weather – I’m going for a pick-me-up here!

So I peer into the morning glories at every opportunity, admiring their perfection and the way they mirror the sky on especially gorgeous days, and marveling at the white stars emerging from their delicate centers. Nature offers us myriad ways to ground ourselves in troubled times. The morning glory grounds me as it lifts my spirit to the heavens.

I swim in that blue color, grateful for the gentle joys found in a late-October backyard garden.

40: (October 2001)

I used to think that there was one sacred freedom that no one could threaten, even if all other freedoms were taken away: mental freedom. Mental freedom is the freedom to think and imagine whatever one wants, unhampered, unrestricted. I used to think that a person could be locked in chains, but that mental freedom could never be touched, that it was forever safe. Since the tragedy of September 11^th, I now know that I was wrong.

I have had the realization that my own mental freedom has been compromised. I have unwittingly allowed that to happen. We are not impenetrable. Outside forces can certainly affect our inner freedom if we are not vigilant in protecting it. We must constantly choose to be free, we must consciously choose to renew and invigorate that internal state. It is not so much a thing to possess, but a state of being that demands active participation.

I see now that mental freedom does not exist in a solitary state. As in so many things, there is a flip side, a paired aspect. That flip side is fear. Fear is the negative aspect, which carries with it anger and anxiety. Fear constricts. Anxiety began to seep into every part of my being, in effect imprisoning me, imprisoning me in a mental place I did not want to be in, full of pain and stress.

The challenge is to transform this fear back to mental freedom. Fear, anxiety, anger, and hatred crowd out more noble human expressions. They crowd out love—the ultimate human experience—and the reason we are alive. When I catch myself giving into fear, when I notice my thoughts moving to anxiety, I am going to acknowledge that and then move to a loving thought or act, a prayer or some conscious expression of love. Perhaps then I can slowly regain my inner freedom, and in that freedom strengthen my ability to love even my enemy. Then will I truly be free.

60-40:

Perhaps every age or decade has its own societal trauma associated with it. When we’re in the midst of whatever is going on, it can feel like we’re living in the worst of times. Yet, looking back, it’s a rare decade that didn’t have some peril we were dealing with as a society.

Currently we’re dealing with the ongoing pandemic, and our country is also experiencing a very serious and perilous divide. On a larger scale, global warming threatens the entire planet. But as before, giving in to fear is not productive. I choose hope. I choose doing what we can to work on the problems. And I choose to cultivate morning glories as well, reminding myself to see and appreciate the gifts of the earth so freely given—as we navigate our lives through whatever challenges may arise.